Good evening and welcome to today's episode of...
Things I Got From the Trash!
(Queue intro music)
Now, you may think that finding treasures tossed aside on the curb is a decor porn myth from places like Brooklyn but I'm here to tell you, it does exist!
For example, in my little corner of suburbia, people cast aside treasures, well apparently, all the damn time! Fools, I tell ya, FOOLS!
Why just yesterday my neighbors placed this bench on their curb...
And I'm sure several other passerby blissfully ignored it until I happened to walk my dogs by and snatch it right up.
Now as many members of my audience know, this has a great deal of potential. For example it could be recovered in this awesomely delicious fabric I saw the other day...
Yes, dear audience, that's fucking sweet black fabric with shiny gold swirls and it's awesome.
Let's recap some of our previous episodes of things we found in the trash shall we?
We shall...
This perfectly good plant which looks kickass in my new plant stand was our most recent find.
This beautiful old sewing machine table, perfect as a bedside table!
Another bedside table with awesome hardware.
Well that's all we have for today's episode. We hope you'll join us next time on...
Things I Got From the Trash!
(Queue theme music, camera slowly backs away while anchors chat about bullshit)